I recently learned of a new word: 'Languishing'. The feeling of 'meh'. Finally it has a name. Why am I telling you all of this? To maybe inspire you to dig deep into your emotions and how it can set you free.
I know I sound like a broken record, but the past year (and the current one for that matter as well) hasn't been easy for anyone. Even though I'm one of the lucky ones: For me, not much has changed.
Apart from not being able to hit the gym, the yoga studio(s), hanging out with friends at cafés, going to the movies and working from home all. the. time. At least, now I can put a name to the feeling of 'meh'. But again, I still have a lot to be grateful for: I still have a job, I can pay my bills, I have a roof over my head. Nothing to be taken for granted in these times. (I nearly said 'in these challenging times', but for the life of me, I can't say it anymore without having to roll my eyes and/or suppress a gag reflex.)
You can care, but you don't have to carry.
Facing our demons is something we all have to eventually succumb to
I did a lot of soul-searching these past couple of weeks. It wasn't pretty, I can tell you that much. But if you can't do much outwardly, eventually you have to turn inwards. Let me tell you, there was a lot I'd rather not have dealt with. But you know the saying:
If you resist, it persists
So for the first time in years, I sat with my hurt. My anger. My shame. My sadness. My anger at my best friend who's still in the depth of mental illness and refusing to get help, because according to her, she doesn't need it. My sadness of said lost friendship. My shame of everything I ever wanted to say but couldn't. My hurt of every parts of every relationship I wanted to let go of, but still hold on to, for reasons unknown to me.
I would love to tell you know that it's all healed now and that I was able to work through it and let go of so many things. It's not and I haven't. But at least now I'm able to sit with it. To acknowledge my feelings. All of them, also the ones we deem 'ugly'. I'm not longer trying to divert my thoughts when a memory comes up I'd rather not have/deal with.
I can sit with my feelings and feel ashamed / hurt / angry / sad and be ok with it. I was able to make peace with it. And maybe that's the antidote to languishing. Instead of brushing our feelings away and burying them with a constant "I'm fine", maybe feeling all the feels and breathing through it can help.
Treat people with kindness
How about starting with yourself
I would like to invite you to try sitting with your feelings. To recall a memory you're not proud of. Where you've done / said / enabled something - or maybe did nothing - that makes you feel uncomfortable. And then let the feelings come over you. But this time, instead of cringing inside and trying to push the feeling(s) away, invite them in. Let them come over you, crash over you, drown in them. No judging, no explanations, nothing.
It will be uncomfortable. It will hurt. You will feel like wanting to run away. Maybe you'll cry or scream it out. That's ok. But notice the sting to lessen. You'll be able to relax your shoulders and breathe a little bit deeper. And maybe you will need to take a break and come back to it later. That's ok as well. But I promise you, eventually you will be able to make peace with it.
We tend to say to treat people with kindness. Maybe start with treating yourself kindly. And don't forget: You can care, but you don't have to carry.
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